Fear to Confidence

I attended Second City in Chicago last year and the teacher wanted us to write a piece going from one extreme to the other. I chose fear to confidence. Check it out..my life in a nutshell... FEAR to CONFIDENCE So this is a new environment for me. I'm the new kid on the block. Will they get me?! Will they understand me?! I'm just gonna sit in the back and not say a word. Damn it teacher, why the hell would you call on me?! I don't know the answer and I damn sure don't know these people. I answer as best as I know how. They laugh!! Ice broken. Shit that wasn't easy, still got 3 more classes today. I can't possibly make them all laugh. 2nd class teacher does the same bullshit...call me out. Do I have new student written on my face?! I MUST!!! I made their asses laugh though!!! 3rd and 4th period teachers do the same thing. smh..I've warmed up by now. Yeah you know the result. They laughed!! I got these suckers in the palm of my hand now. Dude sitting next to me says man you're funny as hell. I tell him, man I'm the new guy here. I make folks laugh to get over my own fears. This is only the beginning. This is who I am...I'm just glad yall laughed...

That Urge Again

I've done it before...and I said I wouldn't do it it again w/o thinking first, but its tugging at me bad. I don't know if its my frustration w/ one situation or my dream pulling me in another direction....Its strong though. This time wouldn't be like last time where I did it based on principle...this time it would be simply for me to stop being scared to just live. Failure is in not trying. I say that all the time. So many thoughts cross my mind...will they get me, will they laugh, will my pride be hurt, will I win...Well, Stefany you won't know unless you try...Im trying to subside this urge to quit my job cause I feel its taking time away from me doing what I'm called to do.....pray with and for me...

Best Birthday Ever

I have to say this has been the best birthday I've ever had. I'm normally not that hung up on my day cause I could care less, but for some reason this year was different. Started the week off having dinner w/ some of my good friends and one of my favorite people at Oceannaire. Dinner was absolutely great. Good food, folks, and fun. Wed May 18th my actual day I went to work for half day came home took a nap and then proceeded to Uniontown for more food, folks, and fun. I was truly thankful for everyone who showed up to celebrate with me and show me love on my day. I even had my cousins come out for me....Thursday was best though. The moment I found out Avery Sunshine was at Blues Alley I purchased tickets. What better way to spend my birthday than with this awesome spirit. She got her baileys and when I went up to get a cd signed she said where is the "hat"? lol My friends showed out for me at the show and the after show events were even better..Had a great time w/ those 2 friends...lol Friday was a chill day even though I did hit a bar, I ended up in the house rather early. Saturday I had a slight cookout w/ friends that got a lil out of hand but ended up being a wonderful night thanks to my bro who hooked us up at Stadium...funny funny funny...Sunday..church..the kickball w/ the girls...action packed week....and now I pay for it.....

Humbled

I am truly humbled.....I haven't shared all of what I've been doing with a lot of people, but when asked I'll share it with you. My desire in life is to just make you laugh. A comedian...comedic writer...anything that involves laughter is my passion. I recently found a high school friend on facebook and we were just catching up and I told her what I was doing and just following my dreams...She asked what were those dreams..I said comedy of course...She said I was hoping you'd say that...I wanted to cry...She said you've been funny since high school...wow...I knew i was a class clown but never did i think my friends had that expectation of comedy for me. She wasn't the only one to tell me that. There have been many others to say the same thing and it lets me know that what I'm working for is going to happen. My nerves are shot though...I've never HAD to be funny...I just was...no arrogance behind that...its just that I'm able to find humor in everything...but never have I had to on purpose make you laugh, I do it purposely on accident if that makes sense. If these butterflies I feel are any indication that I'm on the right track...butterflies it is...I cannot explain the drive I have right now....I mean I'm waking up out of my sleep with jokes...stuff I find funny that I want to talk about.....Its funny how I want to do this comedy thing but I loathe being the center of attention...I get nervous....It's gonna happen though....I just thank my friends who are encouraging me to do it....to know that they believe in this gift that God gave me...I don't take it for granted...I am truly humbled...

I type all of this as I listen to Avery*Sunshine....this lady's music is the #1 reason why I stopped sitting on my hands and started being serious about this thing

Caseofthe30s

ahhhhh 30...that number scared the crap out of me as I started to approach it. I was feeling uneasy, anxious, and nervous all at the same time. I hadn't done anything with my life, in my eyes anyways. Yes I went to school, graduated but that was normal to me because mostly everyone I was around had done the same thing. So when I finally turned 30, the actual day I was in LA vacationing. I woke up excited to say I was 30. I was in another age bracket. I embraced it. 30 has been good to me. I've felt the change and shift in my personality and how I deal with people. I honestly don't care. Its something my friend Keia and I call the caseofthe30s. 30 is a wonderful age because this is when you start to live. The 20s served their purpose, to rid me of all the immaturity I had and to serve as the springboard into the next phase of my life. I'm quite happy to be 30 and even more happy to be turning 31 in a 2 weeks. Now not say I'm where I want to be, cause there are a few things I still need to get together, but I'm not doormant any longer. I'm making strides...I'm not just talking the talk but I'm walking the walk. caseofthe30s

Hardheaded

ok so i can tell you right now even though this is serious Its probably gonna turn into a damn joke once i finish...so i had been experiencing headaches for a while last yr...I'd get them like for 3-4 days straight at a time and the only thing that would save me was sleep. Medicine didn't help me at all and the pain was so much I just went to sleep...so i prolonged going to the doctor b/c no one wants to hear any bad news from the doctor..finally went to see my neurologist, Dr. Majlessi..yes i have a neurologist b/c i started having anxiety attacks a few yrs ago and didn't know what it was...anyways he recommends a ophthalmologist to check my eyes because he saw increased pressure in my pupils. i go see Dr Kolsky..take a bevy of exams...w/ one including a spinal tap(google it)..now I'm not afraid of anything for the most part...but having to undress in front of male nurses is not my cup of tea and i did not have my cutest panties on and i had to take my bra off and these jugs where not on their best behavior for this procedure that required me on my stomach so they could stick a needle in my back...lol..i was on that gurney laughing all too hard at myself for that blunder..lol so back to all these tests...i had eye exams, spinals tap, more eye exams...1 eye exam was so bad they put a dye in my arm and i swear in 30secs i felt as though i was about to vomit...i had my pupils dilated more in the past yr than i did in my life.. so take all these tests..come back for my follow up and Dr. Kolsky confirms what that Dr. Majlessi says he thought I had...Pseudotumor(google it)

Now just like anyone who hears tumor anything you get nervous b/c tumors are serious...so i do my good research online and come to find out it aint really a tumor but its just a way to scare me to lose weight..lol...but then i saw " vision loss" and got scared all over again...like i wanna lose weight but damn it dont press me out about it...so Dr. Kolsky says you need to lose some weight, cut out red meat, sugar, sweets, and beverages with sugar...now when he said that i had an attitude cause i love to drink. so i asked him what are the odds of me going blind...he said you need to lose weight so i took that as a sign...Let me tell you...
life for me aint been no crystal stairIt's had tacks in it,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor --
Bare.
But all the time
I'se been a-climbin' on,
And reachin' landin's,
And turnin' corners,
And sometimes goin' in the dark
Where there ain't been no light.
So girl, don't you turn back.
Don't you set down on the steps
'Cause you finds it's kinder hard.
Don't you fall now --
For I'se still goin', honey,
I'se still climbin',
And life for me ain't been no crystal stair......lmao

I think I had a drink right after I left the doctors just out of spite...I did stop drinking though for a second and when I went places where there was liquor my friends were like why aren't drinking stef and I'd say I'm not drinking not really getting into the reasons PEER PRESSURE IS REAL LOL..i tortured myself once and went and sat at a bar w/ my friends and had juice...I WILL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN...but fast forward...I'm really conscious of what I eat now...and i try to keep my drinks to a maximum of 2...I've cut red meat all together(not that I ever ate alot it), no bread...and my next is to eliminate fried foods completely...that juice thing is gonna be a challenge cause i dont like water...I write this blog 2 days after i was totally tipsy at the bar...I repent every time i drink...I'm gonna wise up one day..lol..but pray for me and my hardhead...cause a hard head makes a soft ass....

1 month

Well yesterday culminated a month of me putting the gears in motion for my dreams to come true...I can truly say progress has been made. I've become so focused in the past month by just eliminating things and people that were getting in my head. I can see cleary now the rain is gone..lol..been getting alot of comedic ideas...writing, writing, and writing.....sought out the expertise of some well respected people who have poured into me knowledge that I'm soaking up. I thank them for that. March could have easily been my demise but it didn't shake my belief. I think I'm stronger for it. God is still good and I thank Him everyday for just being faithful to me. Its rather funny that when I started this blog I said I wouldn't be doing alot of religious stuff on here, but look how God has His own plan. lol He's amazing...So I keep shining, pressing forward determined to be where I'm suppose to be. This is only the beginning...