Sunday, January 25, 2009

Old Shyt

This is some old stuff I encountered and wrote about on Myspace..thought i'd share..remember this didn't just happen..

I've been going to the doctor for the past couple months to take some tests concerning my health. I went to the doctor on friday for a check up and I got on the scale the assistant was like you lost 2lbs. In my mind I'm like where?...my thumb... I dont see no weight loss...2lbs thats not doing anything for me, tell me twenty or when my belt can go into another hole not no dang 2lbs... thats equivalent of the weight of a corn on someone's toe...Man that was hilarious...Fastforward yesterday I went to take an MRI on my brain...(I'm not crazy) and you have to sit in this seat between these two sensor walls. Let me just say the space was very very very small. So small that there was no wiggle room. The top of my shoulders where sqaured w/ my ears.....All the extra weight( not fat, but extra weight) that I have was shifted to places that coincided with the space I was in. Have you ever taken the air out of some food that was in a ziplock bag and the contents took on the shape of the bag...Thats how I was looking .And I had to sit like this for an hour and a half....pure torture..no movement...my simple tail rested my wrist over this bar where no blood would be flowing thru my hands the entire time, what a dumb move on my part. This the funny part though..the technician was like I'm going to put in a movie for you I'm like ok...So he starts the test and turns on the movie its Roxanne w/ Steve MArtin....So to myself I'm like where's the sound....Steady looking like OK and then it hits me this fool has put the movie on CLOSED CAPTION....Which means I would have to read the movie like I'm deaf I was too thru....I was so mad cause I couldn't go to sleep so I had to watch and read this movie....and it kills me when they put the treble clef by the sentence to let you know its music....I cant hear the beat so it doesn't matter you idiot....I'm out.

So yeah yesterday I'm driving home and to my right out the corner of my eye I witness something never seen before. It was a chick standing talking to a friend I assume. OK nothing wrong with that..right its just that she was wearing a white satin prom dress. At 10:30pm...(prom season is over by the way)....OK the dress was knee length...she had on a chafon( correct spelling?) shirt......and in her hand was a drumroll.... a vacuum?!??!?! Exactly..thats what I thought too. Why is she out this late dressed up with a vacuum....whatever.....Ever met someone that has had their tracks in a tad bit too long.. I mean if your tracks start getting dandruff we have a problem.... Yeah so I'm a big girl not for long Why in every group of friends there are two best friends who are total opposite.....one is a big and the other is small and the small one always drives a civic. Just picture that car in your mind very funny right...I know......I'm going to talk about this one cause I've actually done it...gone to the store with my friends...their petite stores....they're shopping...I come out with a bag....so someone asks you "what did you get from "that store" O I bought these earrings" Duh its the only thing I can fit...That was a stupid ?? and stupid ?? get you stupid answers...Its so crazy though cause its like why are you even in the store... just being supportive... o yeah girl that looks good...when i start working out I'm going to get that...AS IF

OK so I made this dumb ass bet that I could go a month w/o saying a smart comment to this one person..OK so you say a month aint hard trust me its hard as hell for me. The initial bet was 3 months I would have died. Angie said why dont you just not be a smart ass just becuase..I was like why would I do that there's no incentive in that, so I'll keep being sarcastic. Went to the mall tonight let me say being big is so expensive.. Its a mess.. Mo'nique talking bout big girls on the rise. hell no sit your ass down.. this shit aint cool...breathing all hard always thinking they got a damn nasal problem. how the hell you cant breathe thru your nose. I dont do that but some big girls do... And why the hell plus size stores gotta put the sizes on the bags and the store windows. That damn Ashley Stewart 14-26. If you in that store we know you big, they dont need to broadcast that mess even more. a mess. And that damn Hecths. I've wallked the entire store one day loking for the plus size section only for it to be by the damn kid's clothing. And its never on the main floor always upstairs or downstairs.. Dont isolate like that.. Thas not cute. Can you tolerate a friend who lies to you, even though you know they lie? I know, but I do its crazy though cause I would think we are better than that but whatever...thats was random but it was on my mind...O I know what i forgot I saw this big girl I think she was suppose to have on gouchos, but they looked like hi-waters. Shameful. And if you got a fat ass foot shop at Rockport..stop trying to put that foot in a sandal. it dont work....man i can go on and on but i need to go get on the treadmill.......Pain is endurance....And one more thing if you fat stop getting diet sodas when you eat out obviously that shit aint working.....Pain is endurance..Gotta go...

So the red dot on my forehead is slowly but surely fading away. That took a while. I dont have to much to talk about today. Just random funny stuff. Like I saw this mammal( human being) at church...they had a jehri curl shag. Yes I was just as astonished as you. But whatever... then this other mammal had a wig on that looked like it came off the black cabbage patch dolls head. The kinky twist. Hey when did they start making padded underwire TRAINING BRAS....TRAININGS BRAS DONT NEED UNDERWIRE... thats a mess....me and the girls were at burlingtons one day and they had a leopard design training bra and panty set. not leopard training bra. that design should be more for the grown and sexy rather than the young and dumb. then yesterday went to walmart...karima was like stef where is the clearance rack. I said the whole damn store is a clearance rack. I hate that store... too many damn people. always looking for a bargain.. hell a bottled soda is $.50..how much more of sale do u want. and they got the nerve to check your bag on the way out....aah i hate that store.....what am i stealing? a CLEAN version of Late Registration o my bad they dont sell the uncut version... AH i hate that store. It so cluddered always.....Now Target thats the ISH for real. thats the spot....Let me talk about footlocker now. took my grandfather there over the weekend to get some shoes...why do they always have two rows of the same shoe trying to fill the store up.....and the only shoes on sale for 2 for $89 are new balance.. Another damn thing if you wear a size 12 and up(women) dont buy shoes out of Payless. Go get yourself a good shoe. Thats probably why your feet messed up now. Those shoes are huge. My grandmother went in there to get a size 11 bless her heart i hate that store too. She was really pushing it. OK thats it for now. Can I just Anita Baker has hits for dayz. I love her.

So I was riding home from work yesterday and I saw a Toyota Camry. Toyota is the maker of Lexus by the way....keep that in mind for this story....So i'm looking at the plates you'd never believe what they said....drumrolllllllllllllll............ LILEXUS. Are you kidding me?!?!?! A toyota Camry is a LILEXUS.....hell to the naw.....Camry isn't even the top of the line for Toyota its the Avalon. This dude had too much confidence in his Camry I think.....I thought this was soooooooo funny. You know my humor is left field anyways but come on now. Well that was my laugh for yesterday...........

So I went to get something to eat the other day...And I saw a Suburban...Now this doesn't top my Lilexus but it was funny enough to warrant a comment...It said FATPIMP... HAHAHA. Hey that was hilarious. This guy wasn't even doing it big. Some people got to much confidence that is borderline conceit/ cockiness. I digress..

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Foolishness

Just some dumb azz videos I thought spoke to what i find humorous..maybe u dont..o well beat it..literally and figuratively!



Welcome

Evening friends and foes....Its official......I thank you in advance for coming thru..tell ya friends..the more laughs the better..My only goal is to express myself the only way i know how....by making u laugh....i dont mean to directly insult anyone..if its hits to close to home, MOVE!!!...This is all about me and my observations that i encounter everyday...so sit back relax..spread the word...its bout to get off the chain..i may curse occasionally so if u real religious u may wanna find another venue...aint nothing like that going down in these parts...