Hardheaded

ok so i can tell you right now even though this is serious Its probably gonna turn into a damn joke once i finish...so i had been experiencing headaches for a while last yr...I'd get them like for 3-4 days straight at a time and the only thing that would save me was sleep. Medicine didn't help me at all and the pain was so much I just went to sleep...so i prolonged going to the doctor b/c no one wants to hear any bad news from the doctor..finally went to see my neurologist, Dr. Majlessi..yes i have a neurologist b/c i started having anxiety attacks a few yrs ago and didn't know what it was...anyways he recommends a ophthalmologist to check my eyes because he saw increased pressure in my pupils. i go see Dr Kolsky..take a bevy of exams...w/ one including a spinal tap(google it)..now I'm not afraid of anything for the most part...but having to undress in front of male nurses is not my cup of tea and i did not have my cutest panties on and i had to take my bra off and these jugs where not on their best behavior for this procedure that required me on my stomach so they could stick a needle in my back...lol..i was on that gurney laughing all too hard at myself for that blunder..lol so back to all these tests...i had eye exams, spinals tap, more eye exams...1 eye exam was so bad they put a dye in my arm and i swear in 30secs i felt as though i was about to vomit...i had my pupils dilated more in the past yr than i did in my life.. so take all these tests..come back for my follow up and Dr. Kolsky confirms what that Dr. Majlessi says he thought I had...Pseudotumor(google it)

Now just like anyone who hears tumor anything you get nervous b/c tumors are serious...so i do my good research online and come to find out it aint really a tumor but its just a way to scare me to lose weight..lol...but then i saw " vision loss" and got scared all over again...like i wanna lose weight but damn it dont press me out about it...so Dr. Kolsky says you need to lose some weight, cut out red meat, sugar, sweets, and beverages with sugar...now when he said that i had an attitude cause i love to drink. so i asked him what are the odds of me going blind...he said you need to lose weight so i took that as a sign...Let me tell you...
life for me aint been no crystal stairIt's had tacks in it,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor --
Bare.
But all the time
I'se been a-climbin' on,
And reachin' landin's,
And turnin' corners,
And sometimes goin' in the dark
Where there ain't been no light.
So girl, don't you turn back.
Don't you set down on the steps
'Cause you finds it's kinder hard.
Don't you fall now --
For I'se still goin', honey,
I'se still climbin',
And life for me ain't been no crystal stair......lmao

I think I had a drink right after I left the doctors just out of spite...I did stop drinking though for a second and when I went places where there was liquor my friends were like why aren't drinking stef and I'd say I'm not drinking not really getting into the reasons PEER PRESSURE IS REAL LOL..i tortured myself once and went and sat at a bar w/ my friends and had juice...I WILL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN...but fast forward...I'm really conscious of what I eat now...and i try to keep my drinks to a maximum of 2...I've cut red meat all together(not that I ever ate alot it), no bread...and my next is to eliminate fried foods completely...that juice thing is gonna be a challenge cause i dont like water...I write this blog 2 days after i was totally tipsy at the bar...I repent every time i drink...I'm gonna wise up one day..lol..but pray for me and my hardhead...cause a hard head makes a soft ass....